If you read this title and your first thought was Gloria Lynne – message me, we’re meant to be best friends forever. This post isn’t a play on her song, I just wanted to let you all know I found happiness without directly typing out that “I found happiness,” because lame and uninteresting.
All emotions are rollercoasters of ups and downs, lows and highs, and finding stability amongst them is tough. Some people are emotionally intelligent enough to sort of control the up and downswings, but for most it’s a struggle. Do you remember the first time you tried jumping upward to grab the monkey bars? I was five or six before I even almost had a shot at reaching one of the bars without climbing up the cheat steps. I don’t have mad hops and I certainly didn’t when I was a midget of a child. How many times – no – how many years did it take to finally reach and be able to grab onto the bars and monkey yourself across? A lot, right? Happiness is a lot like that. Fucking trickster makes you think you’ve got it! And before you can grasp on with two hands, you’re staring straight up with dirt in your eyeballs, from your back. The millisecond when you’re finally able to grab a bar with one hand gives you this false hope that you’ve reached it, and immediately following that millisecond of happiness is pain and disappointment. Such is life – a fucking set of monkey bars. You know what, though, adult child? You’ll reach it one day and firmly grab on with both hands, and that’s where happiness lives.
K cool, Ross, what you’re saying is happiness is impossible to reach without being a child magician? No, Chad, that’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that to reach and stay attached to the monkey bars takes time and effort, practice and persistence. Your backside will be sore. Your heart will ache with underachievement. Your hands will blister. And your friends will make fun of you because they grew faster than you did.
…Why was everyone taller than me when I was a kid?
Once you’ve reached and maintained happiness, you’ll realize that the ups and downs aren’t an issue at all. They got you there. They strengthened your will, you mighty little fucker, you. And the moment you REALLY know you’ve reached it is when those let-downs arise, and they will, you’re still happy. You’ve maintained your grasp on those goddamn tetanus makers.
If you grew up without monkey bars, stop reading because you’re dumb and I hate you. But for all of the rest of Earth pre 2005, the lesson here is that let down will keep trying to find its way back into your life. Doesn’t matter where it comes from, it’ll come. But you’ve maintained. You’ve weathered. And you can handle it. I was going to bitch about a whole bunch of recent let downs, but because I don’t feel like outing those people (you know who you are, shitbags), I’d rather bask in my glory because I’m still happy. That, ladies and gentleman, is how I know I found happiness. It can’t be phased. I can’t be phased. The ups and downs will still come in droves and generally when you’re least prepared, but they won’t change my happiness – they haven’t yet.
Andddddd cue Gloria Lynne. I have this record and I sleep with it under my pillow. Is that weird? Oh.
Offensive, abrasive and obnoxiously opinionated. 