O.C.D, A.D.D. and other acronyms for excuses.

Posted: May 2, 2010 in Insight, Rants
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

It’s late Saturday night, or early Sunday morning. Whatever. Either way, I have all these thoughts in my head that I feel like getting out on…non-empirical paper. Ready, GO!

If I had more time to pretend to be funny in front of people, I’d take a stab at becoming a comedian.

How many times a day does Nancy Pelosi cringe at having to smile? And how many times a day does she frown at having to cringe about the smiles? And how much fucking money does it take to make her look that plastically miserable at all times? Yes, plastically. It’s a word now, picky.

Last night after the bars I realized that I’m a perpetual shitty friend and even shittier lay. The actual physical act of sex I’ve got down; I’m actually something like a professional. However, I’m referring to the inability to stay and talk or pretend like I’m there for any other reason than…sex. That part, I’m shitty at.

Does everyone karaoke in the mirror at some point in their life? It should be mandatory before engaging in the practice of karaoke.

I spend a lot of money on clothes. That money could have gone toward a 1968 Jaguar E-Type. And I’d get more chicks. Plus I’d look classy and sophisticated, or something neat.

Chris Cornell’s voice is audio bliss.

The words vindication, vendetta and vengeance all start with the letter ‘v’…as does the word vagina. Anatomy was trying to tell males something from the very start. We suck at listening.

I’m getting a boxer puppy in a month or two…what should I name it? And is it weird to rename one if it has a name at 6 weeks already? Would it know the difference at 6 weeks? Why is puppy breath so goddamn cute? Do I get a male or female? And if I named it Reagan, would it need to be a male or female? Which would be more fitting? I suck at dog. Yes, dog, singular. There’s only going to be one, therefore, I suck at dog.

I like words.

I don’t like discolored toenails.

My life needs more structure. My life needs far less structure. I’m not bipolar.

I have a date this Friday…an actual date. Not a “hey-are-you-busy-and/or-lonely? Wanna-come-over-late-Friday-night?” kind of date. This is new for me. Or extremely old for me. I can’t remember which, but I’m excited. I think.

More scrambled thoughts to follow at a later time, kids. Sit back in your chair.

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Comments
  1. Karin says:

    Blogspot?!? come on!!! lol nice of you to let your friends know about this…but yeah whatever. get a boy dog. females are all bitches (dogs or people) and won`t like to be around you much. secondly…for like 3 years now it`s actually called ADHD 😛

  2. Your mom :) says:

    This is all very interesting. 🙂

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