Uncomfortable Rarity

Posted: July 22, 2010 in Humor
Tags: , , , , ,

This post pertains to issues not relevant to most females. So in advance, I apologize if you’re not on the same page. And on the other hand, if you’re a female and this IS relevant to you…tuck it back farther.

Rewind back to 5am this morning >>>

I’m a male. And I’m young. And I’m powered by testosterone. Lots of it. So I woke up with a hard on, as I do 364 other days a year as well. I unattached myself from my 1,500 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, which are like sleeping on sex, and went into the bathroom for my morning piss…it’s how I start every morning, identically the same. This morning, however, while doing my thing, eyes closed, half asleep, bent over a little so as to accommodate my manpart issue (ie: Steve Carell, 40 Year Old Virgin)…I sneezed.

First, let me tell you that to sneeze while pissing is an extreme discomfort. Let alone the mess it leaves due to misfire. Second, having a hard on that’s already next to impossible to aim and control, does not help the issue at all. When you sneeze with a hard on, the manpart jumps, like it’s being hit with a taser. It’s uncomfortable. And as stated previously, if you’re a female and/or don’t have a penis, you probably wouldn’t understand. I don’t know, though, maybe females have similar problems when sneezing while pissing. I really don’t want to know. I’m selfish, and this is about my manpart, dammit!

All of these things happen billions of times a day, separately. Lots of people sneeze. And lots of people get hardons, and lots even piss with them. But put all three of these things together, and it equates to an extremely uncomfortable rarity. There are a lot of political issues that I could bitch and moan about, like whether or not Elena Kagan will actually be confirmed, or what happens with the unemployment extension bill, or whether or not the GOP will actually take back the house with the upcoming elections. These are all important things, but the majority of my posts pertain to politics, and I feel like at least one of them, with more to come, should pertain to my penis. I don’t care whether or not that’s uncomfortable for you or not- it’s not for me. And you’ve read this far. So shut up, and enjoy it. I do.

  1. girl normal says:

    Don’t worry. Girl parts have their own special set of problems, and I’m sure if you ever became a regular reader of my blog, you’d probably hear about them eventually. Awe hell, life is better when there’s a bit of mystery.

    (Also, my boyfriend complains about his manpart issues enough that I FEEL like I can relate.)

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