An age complex, brought to you by AARP.

Posted: July 27, 2010 in Rants
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

I have a large ego. I always have. And given that, I’ve always thought I was indestructable and would never age as both of my parents look super young for their ages. Plus, I’m half Japanese and I’ve got good genes. If I didn’t have any facial hair, I’d look sixteen. Given all of the above, old age is something I’ve never really worried about. Until recently. I just turned twenty-seven last Monday. Twenty-seven is by no means ‘old,’ and I don’t feel any older, but I’m only a few years away from thirty. I still don’t consider thirty to be old, but for some reason I’ve recently acquired a complex about it.

I get a lot of mail. I shop a lot, and I have about 297,239,129 magazine subscriptions. I always go through every last piece of mail, junk mail and advertisements included. Recently, I’ve started getting pamphlets from AARP. I got the first one a few months ago and tossed it as I assumed it was something randomly sent out, not specific to my name or age. And since then, I’ve gotten 5 or 6 more. And yesterday, I got another. Coupled with turning twenty-seven, it bothered me a lot more than it probably should, or than it has the past few times I’ve gotten the same shit.

I don’t need a reason to feel any older. The 90s, which in my opinion was one of the greatest decades yet, was twenty years ago, already. What the fuck. Saved By the Bell is long gone. MTV no longer plays music. Bright, hideous, super baggy clothes are no longer in…and actually never were. The 90s was an ulgy decade, albeit a great one still.

And the 2000s are already gone- it seems like the Y2K scare was just a year or two ago. Nope. A decade. A fucking decade ago. My ten year highschool reunion is next year already. Point is, I have plenty of reasons to feel old, and so far I’ve done a good job of keeping myself from having an age complex. Until the myriad of AARP mail. Do you know what AARP is an acronym for? The American Association of Retired Persons.

…I’m not retired. I’m nowhere near retirement age. I’m not even old enough to begin thinking about it, because once you do, you’re working toward the end, not the future.

Fuck you, AARP. Stop sending me an age complex in an envelope.

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Comments
  1. Ahna Rebekah Hendrix says:

    Love it! I was literally laughing out loud the whole time I read this.

    I started flipping out at the quarter of a century mark (that’s 25 btw 😉 ~ and bought so much anti-wrinkle cream (as if I need it…) I could have stocked a corner market in El Salvador and made a killing.

    However, since then I swear I only feel younger with every passing year. Something about realizing I don’t fit into any social age and deciding I won’t let myself feel any stupid number ~ since that’s all it is.

    Still…fucking hilarious.

  2. 30 was easy. 40 may be harder, but since the older I get, the less I care what people think, I’m still looking forward to it.

  3. Patty says:

    I laughed so hard trying to get through this one! Everytime Chris gets an AARP invite or application in the mail ( and like you he gets several each week) GRANDPA teases him about it! OMG, like this ~ it’s funny stuff!

  4. I felt it when we hired a summer intern this year who was born in 1990. Seriously… wasn’t that just a few years ago?

    I’m a few months off from 30 and my friends can’t fathom why I’m actually okay with this. Part of it may be that the Daily Mail just “reported” that women are their most attractive at age 31. Whatever… someone can only give you a complex if you allow them to. If you look forward to it rather than fear it, 30 will be easier than you thought!

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