Yeah, I know.

Posted: February 21, 2011 in Humor
Tags: , , , , , ,

I’m not sure what I know, as referenced in the title, just know that I know.

In all seriousness it’s just past midnight, I’ve been studying for the last 36 hours today, and since I had 14 vats of coffee earlier I now can’t sleep. Awesome. I haven’t posted in a long time and thought now would be an opportune time. Right now. Normally I have a handful of political issues to bitch about, but none are coming to mind at the moment, so I’ll bore all two of you reading this with shit that concerns no one and will change the lives of…no one. Well, it might change your life. Okay no, it won’t, I lied, and instead of hitting backspace I just decided to type forward, ’cause I’m a forward moving force and stuff.

A couple months ago I met a chick while trying to sell random items on Craigslist, so as to clear room in my new house. That turned into a hook up. Weird. Around the same time, maybe shortly after, I met a chick at 6 something in the morning at a gas station…who apparently had a boyfriend that she forgot about while I went to “see how awesome her apartment was.” Last week, I was at Home Goods shopping for a plant for my office and an end table to go with the couch I bought, and I ran into a hot older women. Well, I didn’t run into her, she ran into my obvious desire to help all elderly people around me, ’cause that’s the kind of guy I am. What I mean by that is she was short and couldn’t reach something on one of the higher shelves, and asked me to get it for her. I did. And proceeded to turn that into most younger dude’s fantasy, apparently. I’m awesome at being awesome. I’m really modest, and not at all cocky, but manmotherfuckershitballs I meet chicks at the most random places, in the most random ways possible. Also, mom, don’t read any of this. The moral of these stories is…always be me when you’re not being me. Jkay. The real moral is that 14 vats of coffee does not a good night’s sleep make.

How about those Egyptians, huh? It’s weird, but who would have thought that doing more than just talking about a change in governance might actually accomplish something? Apparently Cairo got the memo that clued them in on that crazy idea. I’m going to preemptively read the future and tell you all that, though this is exciting for Egypt right now, it ends miserably. This will be like a zombie movie where the good guys kill them all…and right before the credits role depicting the end of the movie, one of the good guys gets attacked by the last alive-dead zombie guy and is then transformed into a zombie. Only, Egypt doesn’t turn into a zombie…they turn into a land with no Plan B. Not the abortion pill, shits. Plan B…referring to, I don’t know, a backup plan to replace the removal they coerced? I’m all for revolutions and enacting citizen’s rights to protest an unworthy (I use this term loosely) government, but I’m also all for what works. And causing a political upheaval with no Plan B is just plain silly. The coffee said silly. What I’m getting at here, is that I will be running for president of Egypt within the next 6 months-ish, since that’s the tentative time frame given for when new elections will take place. Or whatever they’re doing. Since they don’t know, I can’t either. Either way, I’ll be an awesome Egyptian president, since I like sand and whatnot, and other stuff.

Okay, I love you.


  1. saradobie says:

    Coffee might not be good for you in extreme amounts, but it DOES make for good reading. Hope you eventually got to sleep, and good luck with the presidency!

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