Excuses, Scape Goats and the Ugly Validations for Why Not to.

Posted: April 27, 2011 in Insight, Music., Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

What inspires passion? What moves you to step outside of your comfort zone and welcome life’s challenges and beauties? That answer will be different for each one of you reading this. There is no right or wrong answer. For me, because this blog is all about me (plus I’m selfish as fuck), I’m inspired by everything. There are 439,409,998,713 things a day that inspire me, for better or worse. The good, bad, ugly and everything in between make me feel and appreciate all that is life. Even when shit’s shitty and it seems like there is no solution, there is. There always is. Simply feeling emotion and allowing life to get to you is or should be enough to inspire you. If it isn’t, punch yourself in the heart…it isn’t working and it needs an upstart.

Fixers. Let’s talk about fixers. I just had a short but inspiring conversation with my best friend about being a fixer and all that it encompasses. I’m not sure if it’s human nature or if it’s only a select few who suffer from this handicap, but I’ve realized recently that I’m a fixer. I not only go way out of my way to try and fix my own problems, no matter how impossible to fix they might be, but I also try to fix other people’s problems. Until today, I’ve been OK with that. Even though I’m selfish, I’m willing to put myself aside to help close friends in any way that I can. Today, I realized that I can’t focus my energy on other people’s issues if they themselves are not willing to do the same. No matter how unselfish I’m willing to be, I can’t control what other people do. That’s been a tough lesson for me to gradually learn as a fixer and control freak. It’s frustrating to realize that I, by myself, cannot control other people. I can put forth whatever effort I deem fit and that’s about it. I can use my passion and inspirations to try and solve life. But it’s never that simple. And it’s even more difficult when the person(s) you’re trying to help can’t do that for themselves. I don’t think being a fixer is necessarily a bad thing. I labeled it as a handicap earlier, but I’m not sure if that’s an accurate description as it’s a compassionate characteristics that requires you to put yourself before another person, for whatever reason. In fact, I have respect for fixers. Even though I try to be one, I mostly suck at it because I’m crazy selfish. My frustrations come from attempting to lend a helping hand and having it thrown right back at me. I’m like a turtle. When a turtle feels comfortable with its surroundings, it will peak its head out and explore. But when it’s scared, it will stay in its shell until it feels that its fear has departed. It takes a lot for me to come out of my shell and attempt to feel comfortable with those surrounding me. I don’t trust people. And ultimately, regardless of what Karl fucking Marx thought, people are not intrinsically good. They’re shitty and selfish. This keeps me in my shell. But every now and again, I’ll break through my own protections and peak my head out of my shell. Ten times out of ten, I end up right back in my shell. This is the dilemma I face on a daily basis. I’m sure all of you have faced it as well. But remember, we’re talking about me, not you. ;]

It’s hard for me to understand why and how people don’t vacuum life in as a glorious and beautiful thing. We’re born with a physical case that allows us to grow, and a brain that allows for learning and adaptation to become accustom to our surroundings. That, in and of itself, is absolutely beautiful to me. This isn’t just the wine talking, but life is an absolutely amazing work of art that each of us have the ability to paint, master and perfect. I come across a lot of people who don’t share that view. There are a lot of people who will take the downsides for simply that – a downside. Fuck that nonsense. Every downside or curve that life throws at you is an opportunity to make something beautiful of something shitty. Accept it. Appreciate it. Take advantage of it. And cultivate it into your own. There is absolutely no reason to bitch, moan and complain about the shitty hand life’s dealt you. I do it every once in a while, but with the understanding that it’s an opportunity for me to grow as a person and adapt to the beauty that is life. It’s taken me a long time and a lot of shitty situations to come to that realization. It should have been something realized early on. Life’s a gift, and rather than expecting it to treat me well like I deserve something from it, I can mold it to become my own. How do people in general not see it as the same?

I don’t mean to preach and sound like I know everything about everything and have all of the answers. I sure as shit do not. But what I do have is an understanding that I control my future. I will not make excuses for why NOT to take advantage of that. I will not make excuses for why not to branch out from my safety net and experience everything that life offers. Sometimes it’s scary, but finding yourself in that fear is what makes you, you. It’s what strengthens the fibers we’re weaved from. To find excuses why not to venture out and enjoy the life we’re gifted is incomprehensible to me. If you come to a point where you find yourself questioning a decision, fuck it, go for it. Don’t second guess it. Take chances. Live like you’ve only got one life to live. Live like you’re only here for a 65-90 year period and there’s nothing afterward. Live like you are your passion. Live like you’ve got a burning desire to encompass and embrace everything that comes your way, good, bad or indifferent. Live like you give a shit about the life you’re making for yourself. Live like you’re making a legacy that will be written in books for centuries after you’re gone. Live like you give a shit. And if you don’t, get the fuck off of my page, you have no business here. No more invalid excuses why not to take responsibility and accountability for yourself. I’m tired of that shit. And I’m tired of hearing that shit from people I attempt to care about. No more. No more being a fixer. No more allowing other people’s excuses to restrain them from being great. No more shitty scape goats for why not to take advantage of life. It’s gifted you with itself, stop wasting it.

Listen to this song and allow the lyrics to sink deep into your soul. If you don’t feel it within the depths of you, you aren’t good at music. Eddie Vedder, I fucking love you.


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