Resolution…Evolution?

Posted: December 31, 2015 in Uncategorized

I think New Year’s resolutions are ridiculous. They’re limiting by default – why choose to work on one thing one time a year? Don’t bother. I think it’s sensible to have goals, but consistently and plural, goalS. Anyway, not posting to minimize your self-minimization. I’m posting to appreciate the shit out of this year, not just negate it by focusing on next year. I’m not ready yet.

 

In my early teens I couldn’t wait to become an adult, I thought life would be so  much more structured and simplified. That was a joke. My twenties were a mess of bad decisions, a destruction of my moral compass and a lack of ambition on pretty much all levels possible. It was awesome, but far less than structured and simplified. Thirties. The thirties are where it’s at. Pretty sure Sam Cooke was referring to your thirties in, “That’s Where it’s at.” Thirty was great, thirty-one was, too. Thirty-two has been a dream. Every morning I wake up waiting for something to go wrong, like this is a dream or I’m vicariously living someone else’s life and I’m just in some sort of delusional grandeur indefinitely. Nope, it’s my life. And why shouldn’t it be? I’ve worked my balls off, whatever that means. Just sounded fierce. I’m less attractive than I was last year. I’m 11lbs fatter, and it’s definitely not muscle mass, at all…ask my man pooch. I’ve cultivated a few gray hairs that I’m REALLY excited about in a go-the-fuck-away kind of way. My used-to-be-sort-of-awesome hair is now far outdated but I’m too comfortable with myself to change it. I wore tennis shoes four times this year. Four! Haven’t done that since pre-facial hair years – I dressed like a nard. I wear dress pants OUTSIDE OF WORK! Yeah, it’s true, not a joke. Try to stay calm, I’m not done yet. I haven’t shaved in two years probably and it hasn’t given me anxiety. And I’m Asian. Whaaaaaat? Point is, I’m uglier, fatter and have far less to offer the universe and it gets consistently worse every day from here. BUT. But…

 

I’m not complaining at all. This year was the absolute best year of my life by far. I don’t want to come up with goals for 2016, I’d just like to spend time in thought appreciating all things 2015. Yours might have sucked and you might think I’m a pompous asshole because I’m boasting about mine. What would that tell you about yourself? Read on. I’m not boasting because I know times are tough for everyone, everywhere, for a billion different reasons. All the more reason to feel so much gratitude for my year – I could have it so much worse. I could be struggling. I could be unhappy. I could be bitching and moaning and finding excuses why not to move forward instead of reasons to be happy. A super smart, maybe brilliant woman once asked me if ‘I wanted to be right or I wanted to be happy.’ Being wrong has never felt so great. I made a lot of bad choices, did a lot of wrong, turned down a lot of right, but I’ve never been happier.

 

I won’t list out specifically what’s made my year so phenomenal because it’d cheapen these words, plus I’m too lazy and don’t want to, because haircut. None of this was meant to be boastful, either. If, instead of being happy for someone else’s awesome year, you took this as a reflection of your own, you’re welcome, I just unintentionally psychology’d the shit out of you. Psychology’d. It’s a real thing. This is my sappy Cancer showing (NO pun intended, at all – Cancers are emotional vajays), but at least once a week I watch Jim Valvano’s ESPY Award speech from 1993. If you aren’t familiar with who he is or why this speech is critically important to YOUR life, watch it. Focus on the 2:20 mark, he lists three things I’m going to go do now in reflection. Be safe, kids. Happy 2016…I guess. Jk fuck that, happy 2015!

 

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Comments
  1. As long as you didn’t wear dress pants with your tennis shoes, then your year was good.

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