Posts Tagged ‘Responsibility’

I don’t know that I’d consider myself a wordsmith, but I am infatuated with impressive vernacular and diction – it’s sort of an¬†aphrodisiac for me – a cerebral enticement that cannot be controlled. But that doesn’t mean I’m a wordsmith. A wordsmith would use the word, ‘druthers,’ in a very nonchalant and smooth placement that goes unnoticed. I don’t and can’t. I threw it out there right from the beginning as I’m not hiding your druthers or mine. Nay. In fact, I’m exploiting them in a celebratory way you’ll understand by the end of this jaunt.

My preferences on all things life have netted me a ton of awesomeness and equally so, an abundance of heartache and pain. I’ll take it – the good with the bad. I like what I like, I want what I want, I need what I need, and no one gets to tell me otherwise. And the same applies to YOU – your preferences are your own, and others may have a bearing on them, but influences are just that – influences. They don’t control or change your wants and likes without YOU consciously or subconsciously changing them, accordingly. There’s nothing wrong with that as influences only have as much power as we give them, and that’s what I wanted to chat with you about. We’re all our own person that’s been comprised of a billion different situations to lead us right here, reading this garbage blog, or in my case, writing it. We all have different stories, triumphs, failures and outside influences to make us our own. I’ve recently become infatuated with the opportunity that life brings. You’d think this would just be a given, but it isn’t. We all take it for granted. I take it for granted. I’ve made a pact with myself to no longer do that. I vowed to no longer take any opportunity life grants me for granted and to not just appreciate all of the opportunity I have, but to live said opportunity. I don’t want to just appreciate things from afar and spend time in thought – what I could or couldn’t do with all of the opportunity I have – rather, to hone and live them, every single goddamn day I have on Earth. Quick interlude: it’s been extremely difficult to not interject expletives left and right whilst vomiting my thoughts here, and I’m not sure if I’m sad or proud of it. More later – interlude over. I want my life to be full of substance and meaning and the obvious road to both is indulgence. Indulge. Just do it. Over and over. And then once more for good measure. These beautiful little openings to amazement are surrounding you even right now – grab ’em!

I just read that last paragraph and felt a little sick to my stomach, it’s a little touchy-feely and preachy and I don’t think I like it. Not yet anyway. That’s not where I’m going with this. I wanted to bring to light life’s bevy of opportunity. I’ve fallen flat on my face and had situations blow up in my face left and right recently. My poor face is a mess, apparently. Regardless, I’m not mad or regretful over the past few months’ circumstances, I’m thankful. I’m okay with taking some bumps and bruises along the way because each one of them leads me closer to my druthers. I’m not even sure what they are, but I’m learning. I’d bet none of you know, either. You probably think you do but it’s either because you’re an idiot or haven’t experienced enough. Go do that! More of it! I’m infatuated with life’s opportunities, even if they lead me straight to heartache and disappointment. I’m not even sure how my heart’s still beating as it’s been drained a lot recently. That’s OK, though. Again, I’ll take my lumps if it leads me closer to my Why, my What, my WHO.

My likes and wants and needs are what make me ME. I’m excited about who I am and who I have been and will be, and more importantly –¬†could be. Every person you surround yourself with will have some sort of a bearing on who you are and who you become, and I love that. I love that I have the option of deciding who stays and who goes, who’s worth opening up to and who isn’t, who’s a positive influence and who isn’t. I’ve been told a lot lately that it makes me a negative and reserved person to have those views. Uh, you’re dumb. If there’s no positivity to be had, why keep the company? If someone isn’t for YOU at all, let ’em go and don’t look back. Loved ones are loved ones because they offer something amazing that can’t be replaced – the ability to help you become better. And vice versa, you’re in other people’s lives because you offer that same substance to them. That’s an amazing symbiosis that leaves me in awe.

I don’t want to feel like I’m a terrible person because I like or want something that someone else doesn’t, even if it’s someone close to me. I don’t want to look back and regret decisions I’ve made because of outside influences – I want to be able to take ownership of every decision I make and feel great about it. The onus is on me. I’ll take that responsibility and run with it until I’ve found my druthers. Search with me.



All of this is long overdue. And since it’s long overdue, you’re going to get a whole bunch of shit thrown at you all at once. You can handle it, I’m sure. You’re grown ups, right?

Let’s talk about being a grown up. Not grown up in the it’s-time-to-stop-playing-video-games-and-eating-ice cream-for-dinner kind of way. Rather, in the grow-the-fuck-up-and-take-accountability kind of way. For most, the latter is intrinsic. You don’t have to talk yourself into taking responsibility for yourself and what you say and do and think. For others, it’s a misnomer of detrimental proportions. As you read this, I’m sure you can think of a few people that are the epitome of said misnomer. They’re the people who, no matter what the scenario, immediately direct fault to anyone and everything but themselves. I’m going to tell you in advance that I’m a hypocrite and guilty of most of what I’m about to piss on. BUT, that won’t stop me from doing it anyway, because I still lack responsibility. I haven’t mastered The Grown Up Game.

Trayvon Martin. Just typing that name makes my blood boil. Though the mess of media over Trayvon has died down somewhat, I haven’t chimed in with my two cents. So here it is: If I read or hear one more fucking thing about the Trayvon Martin murder being a racial issue, I’m going to punch a baby kitten square in the eyeball. Whether or not Zimmerman killed Martin out of some weirdo racial prejudice is not my concern. My concern, grown ups, is the massive projection of racial prejudice America has been consumed with since – hook, line, sinker. Y’all swallowed that pill whole and in a hurry. Why? Why does it have to be a racial issue? Why is the murder of a black kid immediately projected as a racially motivated murder? Pretty sure Zimmerman is Hispanic-American, no? Why is no one turning it the other way around, assuming Hispanic-Americans are terrible people because they’re all murderers? Oh, because it was only one instance that happened to get media priority and Al Sharpton all over it? This is simple logic, fucking twits – if one is true, the other must be, too. If Zimmerman murdered Trayvon Martin out of hatred for black people, it’s also true that Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin because all Hispanic-Americans are racial murderers. Do you see the disconnect? Where does responsibility fit into this fucked up equation, you ask? The very beginning. That’s where it fits. Because fucking Al Sharpton says it was a racially motivated murder does not, in fact, make it a racially motivated murder. If Al Sharpton had said Zimmerman was attacked by Trayvon Martin and defended himself to the letter of the law, would the mass following be the same? No. Responsibility. Your responsibility as a grown up, as a human being with a working brain, is to decide shit for yourself, not because someone else says it’s true. How many of the idiots demanding Zimmerman’s head did that? Maybe a few. But the majority sure as shit did not. Lacking responsibility. Get off the fucking bandwagons and think for yourselves.

Trayvon Martin is old new. Let’s discuss upcoming news. How about the 2012 elections? Politics will not change much in a given lifetime. The right will piss on the left, and the left will piss on the right. And the middle becomes the red-headed stepchild who no one pays enough attention to. There will be bickering, arguing, low blows, empty promises and brilliant speeches. The same will follow in November. Here’s where responsibility comes into play – you. You don’t get to sit on your couch and bitch and moan about everyone and everything until YOU yourself have, intelligently decided what you think and given it a validation. You don’t get to vote for one side or the other because your friend is doing so, or because CNN or Fox had a more riveting dissertation of a candidate or incumbent. None of that means shit. If you want your decisions regurgitated from someone else’s mouth the Obama campaign is happy to take you in. This isn’t just a rant about Obama and the left, though. This applies to you, too, right wingers and independents. If I ask you why you’re voting for a given candidate, you better have a good goddamn reason with validation. And if not, that’s fine. That simply means YOU DON’T GET TO FUCKING VOTE. At that point, you’re not helping anything, you’re hurting the system, your family, your country, and yourself. If you were betting on the NCAA Final Four, would you throw $1,000,000 on a team that a random stranger said might win? Fuck no you wouldn’t. Why are politics any different? They aren’t.

I’m over excuses. Everyone’s got an opinion and an excuse, but never an answer to themselves. The Trayvon Martin murder is just one example of that. There are thousands more that I don’t have time to bitch about…Mainly because I’m too busy pointing my finger at myself, trying to figure out what I think and why, for myself. For self-betterment. For a lack of an excuse for an excuse. Save the fucking excuses. Subscribe to The Grown Up Game. Take responsibility. Take accountability. Or shut the fuck up.